The following events actually happened to real people.
Although names may have been changed to protect the innocent, these events are real.
Thursday, February 4th aprox. 3:00 PM
A wild turkey wanders into our backyard.
Seemingly cute and cuddly, we feed her some bird seed.
We are shocked to see how friendly she is.
Traffic behind our house is stopping to admire her.
In the evening she leaves and we think "what a nice turkey to come visit us."
Friday, February 5th
We awake to find we are again graced with her noble presence.
The kids give her a name, Kevin, in honor of the bird in the movie UP.
She sun bathes on our back deck.
Then she *%$#@ on our back deck, several times.
Suddenly, she is not so noble a bird. Bad Kevin!
Then she is gone for a few minutes and we wonder how she disappeared so quickly. I walk out into my garage and there she is on top of Jeremy's car!
Now, let's consider this for a moment...
You do not truly know Jeremy until you know how well he likes to take care of his cars. (And that's putting it gently.)
Words are being yelled, "!!The last thing in the whole wide world I need to worry about, is having a turkey on top of my car with it's big claws!!"
This is when EVERYTHING changes.
We chase the turkey off and she is gone.
Saturday, February 6th
"Kevin's back Mom!" is the phrase I awake to.
Kevin has left us many more "noble presents" on our deck.
We decide to call the Nature Center. Their advice to us, "Don't feed the bird and she will eventually give up and leave."
But I can't worry about it today because Sierra is getting baptized and I'm having more than 20 people over for dinner later.
Jeremy is excited to take Christmas lights down today, and Kevin follows us around like a little puppy while we remove our lights.
After our dinner guests are entertained by our self-imposing turkey, we wage an incessant chasing campaign on the turkey... a brutal three-pronged attack - Jeremy, Sierra, and Porter.
She leaves... for now.
We also leave for an impromptu overnight-er to our family's house to celebrate the great American holiday of Superbowl.
Sunday February 7th 9PM
We return home.
There is no Kevin, but then again, she is usually gone at night.
Monday February 8th 8AM
"Mom, Kevin's back!"
The sun is up and we realize Kevin has missed us while we were gone, and has left many "reminders" for us.
This morning I have inappropriate words running through my head. And maybe even a few running out my mouth.
Today we run another aggressive chasing campaign and Kevin leaves us in the early afternoon.
Tuesday February 9th
Kevin is back with us.
This too shall pass.
Suddenly, I have a break-through idea!
Whenever our cat chooses an undesirable lounging spot, we cover it with tin-foil and he stays away.
Will tin-foil repel a turkey?
Kevin likes to rest on our deck's doormats.
Maybe if she doesn't have anywhere to rest she'll stay off our deck. I have made a compromise, just stay off the deck, you don't have to leave, just quit crappin' on the deck!
I lay the tinfoil down over the mats and it works!!!!! Kind of. She doesn't sit and rest on our mats, but she still does her other business.
Wednesday and Thursday February 10th, and 11th
You guessed it. Just a couple ordinary days with a wild turkey in our backyard.
Friday February 12th
The tin-foil has worked beautifully in keeping Kevin off the doormats for the last three days and my mind composes another idea.
What if I lay tin-foil down around the ENTIRE 100-foot perimeter of my deck??
Sounds crazy I know, but it just might be crazy enough to work!!
I get to work rolling out tin-foil and taping it to the perimeter of my deck.
I am giddy as a mad-scientist who has just discovered a route to world-domination!!
I finish off my shiny-yet-scary-turkey-barrier and I wait...
Kevin approaches the deck and seems very timid. I can tell on her face she knows something is wrong. She paces over each edge of our deck looking for an opening. She finds none. She decides to take a risk and jumps onto the edge of the deck, careful not to touch the tin-foil. She inspects the tin-foil, surrenders, and hops down!!
VICTORY!!!!!!!!
I begin dancing around the house basking in the glory and triumph of my success in outwitting this annoying, messy, clueless, belligerent turkey!!
I am the champion! Tin-foil is my new favorite product that you can buy in the paper product isle at Wal-Mart!
I'm so excited I call my dad and tell him the good news. I am the woman!!
A few hours pass and I keep my eye on Kevin just to watch her crumble under the terror of the tin-foil.
Kevin pecks around the yard like a little lost puppy. But, just as all creatures adapt so does Kevin...
She finds a new spot. On top of our air conditioner. Not knowing how bird mess will effect my AC, I try putting tin-foil on the air conditioner, but strangely enough - this does not deter her. Hmmmmmmmm. Next, I set out a large laundry basket on top of our AC, but she just sits and pecks at it annoyingly. The AC sits just outside one of our living room windows. I have another brilliant idea. I fill up a 520z cup of cold water, open the window and throw the water at her. She doesn't like this one bit. After repeating this 3 times she stays off and a few minutes later leaves our house completely for the day.
I again feel a sense of triumph.
Saturday February 13th
After visiting us for 10 days, this morning is the first day Kevin does not return to our home. I feel like a free women.
But little did I know... I was only half-way through the war.
Stay tuned for tomorrow's exciting conclusion.
