Turkey Tin-Foil Saga Part 2

If you have not read part 1 yet, you will need to scroll down the blog and read part 1.

In my last entry, Saturday February 13th, was the first day Kevin had not returned to our home in 10 days.

I am certain to be rid of her. After all - the tin-foil boundary frightened her away!

Sunday February 14th
No Kevin Again!
My confidence that my turkey tin-foil turmoil is gone, begins to grow!

Monday February 15th
Today I am visiting family about an hour away, but Jeremy is staying home to go to work.
I speak with him on the phone this evening.
"Oh-by the way, Kevin is back!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Like a dagger through the heart I begin feeling hopeless. Will I ever be rid of this deck-messing turkey? I plop my forehead into my hands with frustration and disgust.

How long will I have to look at turkey mess from my kitchen window? How long will I pull up the drapes every morning to see my daily fate of additional piles of mess? How long will I keep my kids from going outside in fear of stepping in turkey mess?

1 week?

1 month?

1 year?

Surely this had to end eventually, I think to myself. Surely she will get the clue we don't want her here! Won't she?

Tuesday February 16th - 21st
The days that ensue are filled with depression, frustration, tears, and alot of wasting time looking out my windows. (ok - I'm trying to dramatize the situation - work with me here.)

The tin-foil once strong and protecting has now been blown off the deck in some areas. Besides, Kevin no longer seems phased by it as I watch her saunter around the deck, not caring if she steps on the foil at all.

These days I resort to throwing snow shovels, more cups of water, lawn chairs, brooms, fire wood, and anything else lying around. I'm not trying to hit her, just trying to scare her. But the truth of the matter is, I secretly hope the objects accidentally hit her.

I know....

I've turned into a monster!!

Kevin actually takes a day off twice during this time.

I'm not sure if she's getting the clue or not.
But I'm pretty sure she's just torturing me with the false hope of ever having her out of my life and off our deck.

Monday February 22nd
Kevin, of course is back.
I continue to chase her away and throw random objects at her throughout the morning. She leaves for a short time but always returns. In the afternoon I catch her nuzzled right up next to our glass window door.

Rage bubbles up inside me. I think to myself, "if I open the door really quickly maybe I can scare her off for good." So I muster up all the nastiness, growliness, monsterous noise inside my throat possible and I come charging full-force out the door with the best war-time whooping and hollering I can make. I chase her and yell at her as if she will finally understand my disgust.

I look up and across the street. To my embarrassment I see a man trying to enjoy a lovely stroll, witnessing my whole tantrum!

What must he be thinking?
"What does she have against this intriguing creature anyway?"
"Wow! What a crazy raving lunatic woman!"
"I didn't know females could make such frightening displays of territorialism!"
"Poor, cute, little turkey - insane, heartless, women!"

I try to laugh it off, and yell to him, "Can you tell I'm frustrated with this turkey? She returns everyday to my house to poop all over my deck for the last two weeks!"

When he doesn't seem convinced that I am really a nice person, I simply surrender and apologize, "Sorry you had to witness that." And he keeps walking.

I MUST GET RID OF THIS TURKEY.

The passive attempts to keep her off my deck are not working. Denying her food in hopes she will give up, is not working.

I MUST somehow REMOVE her. Maybe if I pay someone enough money they will come and take her away.

Maybe if a put a bunch of food in the middle of the road....

No - I haven't completely morphed into a monster. That won't work.

Tuesday February 23rd
Jeremy has the day off today and we are Hell-Bent on getting rid of this turkey. We make a VERY bold move and clean off the deck for the first time in almost 3 weeks. Jeremy ties a rope around the outer edge of the deck. Turkeys only fly if they have to. So we are hoping she's lazy enough and won't fly over the rope. Jeremy suggests that I put up Tin-Foil again, "This time fold it in half and make a little legde."

So I get to work making a tin-foil ledge. All this tin-foil seems just hilarious to me. What must our neighbors be thinking of our new infatuation with decorating with tin-foil?


Not to my surprise - we run out of tin-foil. I guess you can only surround a 100ft perimeter deck with tin-foil so many times before you run out. Duh.

Kevin likes to look for food in our flower bed where we used to hang our bird feeder.
Enough seed has dropped that she continues to find it in the dirt. Maybe if we cover it she won't find food and will give up.

I try to cover it with plastic bags, but unless I gather 100 rocks to weigh them down, they'll blow away. I abandon this idea.

What if I could make the whole area really unpleasant to her with some sort of smell?
Toilet bowl cleaner can't be very appetizing to a turkey!!!!!

So I grab a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner and douse the entire area with cleaner.
I definitely wouldn't want to eat something covered in toilet bowl cleaner! I stand back and wait and watch. Here comes Kevin, back for more food. She approaches the seeded area and........ stoops down to find some seeds. She is not phased by the toilet bowl cleaner!

Now in fear that I am crossing the animal-cruelty threshold, I chase her away from the toxic area.

Another idea.

I'll just cover it with cardboard. No biggie. So I go get some huge pieces of cardboard and lay them down over the area.

Now our yard is decorated beautifully with tin-foil, cardboard, and rope media. Our neighbors must think we are the most creative people in the world!

Next-I go to the phone book. I call the first number in pest control I believe doesn't deal with just insects. Bingo! He deals with vertebrae pests he told me.

He's going to charge us about $100, but if he can bring a news crew with him it will be for free.

What the heck! We have to get a stinkn' news crew out to our house in order to get rid of this thing? Whatever. We agree to it.

He calls us back later and tells us the news crew is not interested in Kevin for their nightly story. BIG SURPRISE! We don't want to pay $100 to get it done, so we abandon this approach.

Finally, another idea!

Please let this one work!

"Why don't we just get a big box, put some food in it, trap Kevin, and haul her to Timbuktu, and leave her there?" I tell my brilliant idea to Jeremy. He'd had the idea too, so we decide this will be our final blow, our final battle!

Wednesday February 24th
Busy day, I didn't have time to go buy a big box so we are stuck with the regular chasing methods today.

Thursday February 25th
Jeremy has the day off again and I leave to run some errands. At 12:30 I come home and he says, "Kevin's in the box!"

"WHAT!!??? Just like that!"

"Yeah it wasn't that hard, I found a box in the garage, put some food in it, waited for Kevin to go in, then flipped the lid closed and taped it up."


I think I feel tears of joy coming on.

We put Kevin in the car and drive 20 minutes to a nice little pond in a canyon.







So that's how it ends folks!

But strangely enough as we drove away, I felt a little bit of emptiness in my soul.

What gives?